Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick
The holiday season is the traditional time of the year to remember all the people who have made our lives more pleasant throughout the year. Everyone likes to feel appreciated; and even in difficult times, according to Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick, Founder of The Etiquette School of New York, we should acknowledge all of the service providers without whom we would not have nearly as nice a life.
New York is filled with service providers who cheerfully work throughout the year to do their best to help us with whatever we need. Perhaps they do it because it is their job; or, perhaps they do it because they like to help people. I don’t think they are necessarily doing it for their year-end tips, but many of them rely on these tips to supplement their modest salaries.
The downturn in the economy has affected everyone: Many have lost their jobs; many have lost a significant percentage of their investment savings; and, for those who own property, the value of their property has declined. And everyone, including your doorman, your housekeeper and your dog walker, is aware of the situation. So what does one do under these circumstances?
First of all, holiday tipping and gifting should not be about going into debt to pay for these expenditures, especially now. Determine what you can afford to spend on gifts and tips, and then make a list of the people for whom you want to show your appreciation, and put them into one of two columns: a cash column or a gift column. Then prioritize your list according to the following points:
1. The importance of their service to you.
2. The quality of the service.
3. The frequency of the service.
4. How long you’ve used the service.
5. How important your tip is to them.
6. Regional tipping/gifting guidelines.
7. The amount/gift you gave last year.
Recent surveys indicate that 30% of us will give less this year than we gave last year. If you have less to give this year, whether it is 10 or 20%, I recommend you give everyone on your list 10 or 20% less. The exception would be someone with whom you have a more personal relationship and know is more in need of your holiday tip. Don’t let the fact that you have less to give this year, however, be an excuse for not giving at all. Most people are grateful for whatever they receive. Following is a list of people who may be regularly employed by you or with whom you have a close personal relationship, with recommendations for tipping and gifting.
Apartment Building Staff
Superintendent - $50-$200
Doorman/Concierge - $30- $100
Handyman- $25- $40
Elevator Operator- $25 -$50
Parking Garage Attendants $10- $20 each
Household/ Childcare Service Providers/Teachers/Coaches
Housekeeper/Maid - One week’s pay, or less if not a weekly service
Nanny – One week’s to one month’s pay, based upon tenure and small gift from your child.
Au Pair- One week’s pay and a small gift from your child
Day Care Provider- $25 to $75 each and a small gift from your child.
Child’s Teacher- A small gift from you and one from your child.
Coaches, Tutors, Music Teachers – A small gift from your child.
Personal Care/ Trainers
Hair Stylist/Colorist – The cost of one visit, or a gift equaling that amount.
Shampoo Person - $10, or a small gift
Manicurist/Pedicurist - $15- $25, or a small gift
Massage Therapist - $15 or more, or a small gift.
Personal Trainer – One session’s cost, or a gift equaling that amount.
Miscellaneous
Daily Dog Walker – One day’s pay.
Dog Groomer- ¼ to ½ cost of one grooming.
Newspaper Delivery Person- $25 - $50; $10, if once a week.
Mail Carrier: Gift up to $20 in value.
UPS Regular Driver-$20
FedEx Regular Driver- Gift up to $25 in value
Trash Collector: $10 -$20 each.
Pool Cleaner- Cost of one cleaning.
Gardener- One week’s pay, or less if they work for you occasionally.
Use crisp new bills to tip with, or write a check, and put them in tasteful envelopes marked with the person’s name. Stationery stores have inexpensive holiday money cards one can buy for this purpose; and, be sure to add a short note thanking the person for helping you throughout the year. Whether or not you give a tip, proper etiquette would suggest that you write a handwritten note thanking the person for their service.
Gift-Giving for Friends, Family and Others
This year many people are planning to give smaller, more thoughtful and practical gifts, not only because of their own personal belt-tightening, but also because it seems more tasteful in this economy. It is much easier to tell your friends and family that you are planning on cutting back this year, or do not want to exchange presents, than it is to say that to your service providers. And aren’t most of us fortunate enough to have more than we need?
There are many sources on the Web for buying gifts in all price ranges, from stores like Neiman Marcus, Tiffany’s, Macy’s, and FAO Schwarz to stores like Walmart , Costco and ToysRus and even Amazon.com and EBay. Museums, such as the Metropolitan Museum or Art and the Museum of Modern Art in New York have a great selection of gift items that can be ordered on the Web sites as well. It may take more time to be creative, but the time you will save by shopping at home, will make up for it.
Gift certificates are also a good idea. For book readers, gift certificates to Borders, Barnes and Nobles. For movie watchers, you can buy gift subscriptions to Netflix. Gift certificates to spas are also a welcome gift to most people.
Finally, everyone appreciates homemade baked goods or boxes of chocolates during the holidays. Presented in a gift box or with holiday wrapping and a warm note, they make a wonderful gift.
And don’t forget to take a small gift for your hostess if you are invited to a party or dinner over the holidays. It is the proper thing to do.
